I've quoted the satirical
Pan-Arabian Enquirer at least
once before. This time, they talk about a guy you've probably met a few times:
"Returning expat wows hometown with fluent grasp of about three Arabic words." It deserves quoting in full, and the last line is a masterpiece:
DOHA: A British expatriate has reportedly enthralled friends and
family in his hometown with an impressive display of language skills
picked up since living in the Middle East.
Doha-based property sales executive Timothy Vadger returned to
Daventry in the English Midlands on Thursday for a week-long visit, and
has since been welcomed as a cosmopolitan superstar for his grasp of
Arabic vocabulary.
According to sources, the 26-year-old has been casually dropping
words such as ‘shukran’ and ‘halas’ into conversations as if by
accident. Although initially causing some nervousness among the crowds
in his local pub, such efforts have resulted in wide-eyed awe from his
former schoolmates, many of whom have been conjuring images of Vadger
riding across a desert atop a camel and swathed in billowing robes
rather than sitting in a traffic jam in a Toyota Corolla and sweating
inside a grey Top Man suit.
“Hey Steve, thanks for the pint, shukran! Oh sorry, just a bit of
Arabic slipping out there, can’t help it!” was one of the first examples
of his bilingual prowess to cause a gasp among regulars. Having later
mesmerised his growing audience with a detailed analysis of how and
where you can drink alcohol in Doha, Vadger is believed to have followed
this up with a wholly inaccurate description of the Arab Spring in an
attempt to impress a nearby table of girls.
“Basically, the Egyptians were totally halas’ed with Gaddafi and were, like, yalla, you need to quit, fattoush?”
Fattoush, indeed.
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