For Conspiracy Theorists Only

Warning. Satire Ahead. Do Not Link to This as Truth.

Whoa. I don't believe in conspiracy theories. As a graduate of a Jesuit institution (Georgetown), neither my Illuminati Masters nor their Knights Templars allies nor Opus Dei allow me to discuss the real role of the Freemasons in hiding Barack Obama's birth certificate from the UFO grays, but there are some strange things going on out there:

• Via Abu Muqawama, and from there Politico, this photograph of Hillary Clinton, George Mitchell, Jeffrey Feltman and a woman with black hair whose face doesn't show (WHAT ARE THEY HIDING?) on the Secretary of State's plane, showing they are all sitting around a copy of Dan Brown's latest book, towards which Mitchell seems to be making a prayerful gesture with his hands, and which I gather is about how Washington is built to a secret Freemason design. WHAT ARE THEY NOT TELLING US? Is Brown's book providing the guidelines for their Middle East policy?
  

AND WHAT ABOUT THIS!?!:

• Keys to Kafka's Tel Aviv Safe Handed to Estate Executor. Oh, I know, it's actually a pretty boring story about literary legacies and such, but doesn't "Keys to Kafka's Tel Aviv Safe" have a wonderfully conspiratorial sound to it? Kafka (sublime paranoia: The Trial); Tel Aviv (Elders of Zion? Mossad?), and keys (whatever you want to make of them: maybe we could get the Pope in here with the keys of Peter, though I'm sure there are other sinister links: Skull and Bones perhaps?). Sorry the story is pretty boring, but for a certain type of conspiracy theorist it would be raw meat. Goebbels would have salivated over the headline. Oh, sorry, he would never have read Kafka, would he? (Though he was closer to a cockroach than Gregor Samsa ever was.) (Apologies to cockroaches.)
  

Unfortunately, given the part of the world we deal with, I guess I have to formally note that this post is satirical. That means I'm just kidding. Please don't link to it to prove something sinister. You can link if you think it's funny, though.

And for the first time since I started this blog, I am turning comments OFF on this post only. I have a bad feeling about what I might get otherwise, if people Google in without looking at the rest of the blog . If you like it, link to it, but I don't really need a lot of humor-impaired folks agreeing with the intentionally humorous post above.

And if they do, I'll tell the Illuminati.